My grandma's funeral

Today was the day of my grandma's funeral in Prague. As a result my mood reflected this sadness. I feel bad because I was clearly impatient with all the kids in my classes... I just didn't want to be at work. Well, I don't think it's all my fault either, though. I think it's that time where the kids are starting to see where their boundaries are and what they can get away with now that they're no longer so shy about everything being new. Regardless, I felt "heavier" today than I have been lately. Just the shadow of the thought of my grandma's funeral kept me bogged down.

I sent a beautiful bouquet of white lilies to my family's house in Prague for the funeral. I want at least some part of me to be by my grandma's side even if I can't physically be there. While I was shopping around for the flowers I could hear my grandma's voice telling me "No, Carla Andrea. It's too expensive! Keep your money." I, of course, ignored this because in the past I had small arguments (nothing serious) about how she thought I was spending too much on her, and I just brushed that aside because I would tell her that money was nothing compared to knowing that she was happy and healthy. She did this up until our last conversation some 2.5 weeks ago when she said we had better stop talking on the phone as I was spending too much money (again, I brushed this aside by saying that spending a few dollars on a phone call was nothing to me, and that I had the money and just wanted to talk to her)... stubborn old woman. Heh, I know at least in some part where I get it from.

I hope to soon have a sign from my grandma that she is now in a better place. I know some people may look down on this, but I believe in an afterlife, in a God, and in eternal happiness after death. I just want a sign that everything's OK and, in short, I just want to be able to say good-bye so that the burden I have of not being able to see her for 4 years can at least be partially lifted. I want to give us both that peace of closure.

Rest in peace, grandma. I hope you're happier now than you've ever been before. I hope to see you again when it is my time...

Your granddaughter,
Carla