Ashley's birthday party and eating a baby octopus

Alright, it took me long enough but...

So one of my kids, Ashley, had her birthday party last Wednesday. I knew it was going to be semi ridiculous from the get-go because Ashley is a very girlie girl. Her mother constantly dresses her up in pink and in really nice and girlie clothing. Also, she likes attention and loves to try and hold my hand and such, which I don't really let her do so much as I'm still getting comfortable enough with my kids.

Well, the day got more ridiculous when, on the day of her party, I saw her wearing a pink frilly princess dress and a tiara. I kid you not.

She wore that. To school. All day.

Not going to lie, I think that her mother is not preparing her well for the real world.

Anyway, there was a lot of good food to be had. Ashley's mother brought in spaghetti, fried chicken, some sort of Korean dish with some weird type of noodle, beef, peppers and onions that I really like, fruit and juice. Oh and those cupcakes you see. Yeah, each one had an edible thing on it with each students names, including mine:

That must have been ludicrously expensive.

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I went to a restaurant that served something called "shabu shabu," which is Japanese style food. Basically what happens each table has a stove built into it. A pot is brought with a special kind of broth to heat up. In the mean time you go to a buffet where there are raw vegetables, noodles and meat and seafood. Once the broth is boiling you put in the food to cook for a few minutes. So this is what I decided to attempt to eat:

So on the plate you can see raw beef, lettuce, mushrooms, cuddle fish, and being held by the chopsticks is a raw baby octopus.

Now, I'm not one to back out of trying new things. However, once the baby octopus was cooked through I had second thoughts...

Can you see why I was starting to back out?

Well, here I am about to eat that sucker:

So the ending to that particular story was that I ate that thing whole. I did not like it. I probably won't ever do it again. The only good thing about doing so is that I'm less afraid to eat Korean food I'm unfamiliar with as I think "I ate a baby octopus whole. I can eat anything." Speaking of which, I'll leave you with the last creature I also ate at the dinner:



-AALA

Not leaving this weekend after all

Of course something would happen that prevents me from getting out of town for the weekend. Of course Jim would get sick on the exact weekend I chose to visit, even though he hasn't been sick the entire winter. Of course this would all happen on the weekend that I've looked forward to for a week and a half.

I'm am not happy at all right now.

-AALA

Like Night and Day

First of all, Happy Saint Patrick's Day. A year ago I found out about my gallstone problem (my very first attack came the weekend before St. Patrick's Day when I was celebrating in downtown Chicago with a friend), and 2 years ago I was in Argentina celebrating with some Irishmen in a bar in Buenos Aires. Nothing exciting for me tonight (as I am also trying to conserve money for the weekend).

I had two quite extreme days on Monday and Tuesday. I mean in the sense that my kids were like 2 different people, and that one day was very good and the other was not quite so much so.

On Monday I teach 3 classes: my morning kindergarten and then 2 elementary school English classes. My kindergartners were good for most of the morning, but then after 11pm or so they were just all over the place with disobeying rules: they kept speaking Korean, they kept whining, etc. I had to keep taking away their "stickers" (points they get for being good or doing something right, etc). It was a poor start to the day. Then my first elementary class at 2:30pm was incredible. They usually are quiet (especially these 2 girls in particular who act like a deer is about to get run over when I call on them since they don't pay attention), but on Monday everyone actively participated. It was amazing, and it put me in such a great mood. Then my next elementary school class took that all away. Even my smartest kid all of a sudden acted like he lost 10 IQ points... he couldn't answer questions that I was sure he could get. It took him the longest time to respond in complete sentences. Even when I gave him incredibly obvious hints he never picked up on it. It took every fiber of my being to not yell or raise my voice.

Then Tuesday came along and things were so much better. Tuesdays and Thursdays I teach 4 classes. My usual kindergartners were much better, and in fact I could not be mad at them yesterday because they were so funny. In my last entry I mentioned that I say "ay-yi-yi-yi" in class... they all started for no reason just chanting it together in unison very loudly; so loudly, in fact, that everyone in the halls and the classes next door could hear (and asked me about it later). It was just so funny and out of nowhere that I couldn't be mad at them. Then during a song that we were singing called "Round the Village" the kids decided to replace the word "Village" with the name of a kid in class, Zackary. So they sang "Round and round the Zackary." I couldn't help but crack up. My 5:00pm class wasn't as great, but that had nothing to do with the day; that class is my least favorite as it is quite clear the students overall just don't want to be there.

I'm currently doing laundry for the first time since I got in to Korea. I have a lot of clothes, so I can get away with it, but I ran out of pants, so it was time. I took a picture of my washing machine and I took it to one of my Korean supervisors so she could tell me what I had to press (as all the buttons are in Korean).

Some things to note about Korean culture:
-Don't write names in red. I tried to write my students' names in red marker on the board for something and they got all worried and were like "Teacher no! No red!" Apparently names inked in red mean they're dead.
-Beating your children is totally OK. I walk a fine line when it comes to telling parents about their kids. I have been told by other teachers at my school that some of my students have been severely beaten before for things the teachers reported, like one of my kindergartners, Alice, just doesn't concentrate a lot, and likes to be in her own little world. A teacher wrote about it in her report about Alice to the parents, and apparently Alice got quite the punishment for it. In fact, in my first report that I sent to her parents (the teachers have to write weekly reports for the parents for kindergartners), her mother gave me permission to punish her if she wasn't concentrating. If there are things I need to address I bring it up, but I try to do so in a way that won't get the crap kicked out of them by their parents
-90% of cars here (that I have seen) are either from Hyundai or Kia
-All cars have GPS in them. All of them. They are standard. This is probably because most streets don't actually have names. Like, if you want to go the corner of Broadway and Belmont, it doesn't work. There's no way to say that. You would go by landmarks, like a subway station name, or a building. If I'm in a taxi in Seoul I would tell the driver Suji-gu (my district), Punduckcheon-dong (my neighborhood) and Lotte Mart (a major building in Suji that is like a mega Super-Walmart). And then from there I could either walk to my apartment, or just direct the driver to my apartment. I know "straight" in Korean, but I'm still trying to retain what "left" and "right" are.

I had a second birthday party today. It was kind of ridiculous; more so than the last one. The girl wore a princess dress to school. I will post those pictures up another day, because that party deserves an entry of its own.

-AALA

Salsa dancing in Seoul

Last night I went salsa dancing in Seoul with a couple of my Northwestern friends who live here and their coworkers. It was a LOT of fun! We went to an area called Itaewon, which is close to the military bases. There were a few latinos at the club, and I danced with one American army man who unfortunately had no sense of rhythm, so that was a bit painful. Another guy knew how to salsa dancing, but because it's been so long and I am very out of practice I struggled to keep up with him. It was still a lot of fun. Also danced some merengue and bachata at this club. In about 2 weeks I'm going swing dancing.

After last night my spirits have perked up. A few days ago the only thing keeping me sane was the thought of leaving this coming weekend to visit Jim, but after doing something I'm passionate about last night (dancing) I have really started having a better attitude now. For now I'm no longer thinking "Will I survive a year?"

Now that I've been teaching English I've noticed that I've become much more aware of how I speak English and my utilization of grammar. Small grammar mistakes that I could easily get away with now are like glaring errors that I try to correct. Another amusing language fact is that I've noticed in public I accidentally respond or say things in Spanish. One time I was in a cab and a driver was asking me whether the city he was going to was the correct one and I accidentally without thinking said, "Si," and my friends in the cab were like, "Did you just speak Spanish?" It was just something so automatic. In class whenever my kindergartners frustrate me I go "ay-yi-yi-yi-yi," and they think it's the funniest thing. I've gotten comments from parents that their children have taken some of these little quirks of mine home with them, so to speak. Quite amusing.

I'm quite proud of myself because yesterday when Nathan and I were on a bus heading into Seoul to meet up with my friends I understood an elderly Korean man ask another man whether this next stop was the Gangnam station stop. I don't quite know what the other guy said (I guessed it was something along the lines of "No, it's the next one," which turned out to be true), but I was so elated that I understood a Korean just asking something normal and everyday. Also, when we got off the bus and I went out in front of Nathan to cross the street he told me, "Man, there is nothing about you that stands out when I'm looking at the back of your head." I have dark hair, and it was straightened so apparently I blended in with the Korean crowd when he couldn't see my face. That, too, strangely made me happy.

So overall yesterday was a very good day, and now I am much more happy with my decision to come to Korea after all. Hopefully, after quite the rough start I had, things will continue looking up.

-AALA

Almost 3 weeks in Korea...

I honestly don't know how I'm going to survive work for a year. The kids and everything are already driving me nuts. But I think once I settle into the routine and such things will get better. My kids are pretty cute (specifically the kindergartners). They get attached really quickly, which amuses me as I'm the exact opposite. I had a birthday party this week with one of the kids (birthday parties for them are pretty big deals... the mom usually brings in a crapload of food for the kids, and it definitely takes some 45 minutes out of your day). Luckily, my kids have been doing their work pretty fast, so we're not really behind. Pictures of the party are below.

My favorite class for sure is my Newspaper class that I have Tuesdays and Thursdays. They are by far my most advanced kids. They have essays that they need to write every week (I will start grading them next week when they turn them in), and the whole point of the class is to get them to start looking at news and be able to form and argue their opinions. I've been having some fun with it as of late. Their first essay topic is going to be a movie review; as in, they have to pretend they're movie critics and point out both the positive and the negatives of the movie and give their final opinions. I gave them the option to do a compare/contrast essay on the earthquakes in Haiti and Chile (as Korean kids tend to like actually being challenged), but the majority of my kids wanted the movie. I warned them that due to this they were going to get a harder topic for next week. They accepted it.

I am meeting a two college friends and former marching band members tomorrow for lunch: Ani and Dan. I'm very excited to see some familiar faces. I am also planning a trip next weekend to meet another Northwestern grad, Jim, who is in southern South Korea. I've never met him before, but I found out about him through some alumni. We've been chatting for a bit, and he's the only friend I know who lives significantly enough away from Seoul to where I'd have to take a weekend trip to see him. I'm looking forward to this trip more than anything right now, not least because it means I get to leave Suji for an extended period of time.

I have also attached a video of my apartment. I posted it up on Facebook and it got quite a few surprised comments... just to warn you, it's basically a glorified dorm room. But considering that I'm still technically "newly graduated," and I lived in a single dorm room my senior year, this isn't that huge of a step for me. In fact, it's an improvement. The fact that I get my own bathroom, a kitchen, and an even bigger bed is a huge deal for me. And the furniture I got was just right. Other teachers weren't as lucky as me to have a nice table and a sofa.

The other crappy thing about my job is the comments that come from parents. They're parents, so naturally they're not exactly objective when it comes to their children, but I already got some feedback from my Korean supervisor who fields those calls, and it's kind of ridiculous:

"Zackary's mom called because she's concerned. It seemes Zackery thinks you're being too loud when you talk to him, and he doesn't know how to react because the previous teacher had a soft spoken voice." My reaction was , "Um, I'm the teacher to a bunch of kindergartners. Of course my voice is going to be loud. If it's not loud then they won't pay attention and do what I say. It's not like I'm screaming or yelling at him, it's that I'm projecting. Tough cookies, boy. Deal with it." And Zackary is a cute kid, but I don't care how their previous teachers taught them or what they did and what they got away with; I'm a different teacher, and they're in their second year of English, so it's time that they're treated like mini-adults. I don't let them get away with crap. For example, my kids tend to make this REALLY annoying sound when they're mad at each other, and I take away points for the entire class when they do so to show them that they need to use their words when they're frustrated or annoyed, not make a really annoying sound. The kids get points for doing well in something or other, and they get upset when they don't get enough, or get them taken away. Which brings me to parent complaint #2 of today:

"Ashley's mom called because Ashley was really upset that she only got 2 points in class the last few days, and Tony had eight, so she's saying that you're obviously favoring Tony and hate Ashley. Also, you don't hug her."

I didn't even know how to react to that because of how ludicrous it is. I said "Ashley doesn't get as many points because she talks a lot and doesn't pay attention, and when I call on her she many times doesn't know the answer." My supervisor did say the parents acknowledged that she doesn't pay attention. As for the hugging part, I didn't say this but Ashley's kind of an attention seeker, and I can tell. I don't give any one of my kids more attention. There is no favorite, and it is pretty clear. But the first few weeks are going to be hard because they're going to have to get used to the fact that they have someone strict, and I need to make sure I stay consistent with everything so that they can learn. I don't mean to scare anyone who wants to do this or make anyone feel like it's a crappy job: they really are good kids, and I look forward to the day when I can see clear improvement; but for now, it's just going to be the same thing day after day.

I'm definitely feeling better. It's been more than a week since I found out grandma died. I still think about it every day, especially at night when I pray. I've been having these crazy dreams every night... just weird dreams. Last night I dreamt that I went to the apartment she used to live in back in Arizona because I wanted to see how it looked now with new tenants. In my dream it was almost exactly the same, and the couple living in it was elderly. The funny thing is that before leaving for Korea I was seriously thinking of doing this. And I actually did go and knocked on the door... but no one was home at the time. I then decided to postpone it until I could get back to the States. I wish I had tried again...

Enjoy the pictures of my kindergartners and my apartment video.

Look at all that food! The top row are Irene, Alice, Ashley, Katie and Julie (plus yours truly), and on the bottom are Zackary, Alan, Sara, Alex and Tony.

They're singing a Beatles song they performed at festival (which was before I arrived) while they wait for the food to be set up

The birthday girl and me

-AALA

My grandma's funeral

Today was the day of my grandma's funeral in Prague. As a result my mood reflected this sadness. I feel bad because I was clearly impatient with all the kids in my classes... I just didn't want to be at work. Well, I don't think it's all my fault either, though. I think it's that time where the kids are starting to see where their boundaries are and what they can get away with now that they're no longer so shy about everything being new. Regardless, I felt "heavier" today than I have been lately. Just the shadow of the thought of my grandma's funeral kept me bogged down.

I sent a beautiful bouquet of white lilies to my family's house in Prague for the funeral. I want at least some part of me to be by my grandma's side even if I can't physically be there. While I was shopping around for the flowers I could hear my grandma's voice telling me "No, Carla Andrea. It's too expensive! Keep your money." I, of course, ignored this because in the past I had small arguments (nothing serious) about how she thought I was spending too much on her, and I just brushed that aside because I would tell her that money was nothing compared to knowing that she was happy and healthy. She did this up until our last conversation some 2.5 weeks ago when she said we had better stop talking on the phone as I was spending too much money (again, I brushed this aside by saying that spending a few dollars on a phone call was nothing to me, and that I had the money and just wanted to talk to her)... stubborn old woman. Heh, I know at least in some part where I get it from.

I hope to soon have a sign from my grandma that she is now in a better place. I know some people may look down on this, but I believe in an afterlife, in a God, and in eternal happiness after death. I just want a sign that everything's OK and, in short, I just want to be able to say good-bye so that the burden I have of not being able to see her for 4 years can at least be partially lifted. I want to give us both that peace of closure.

Rest in peace, grandma. I hope you're happier now than you've ever been before. I hope to see you again when it is my time...

Your granddaughter,
Carla

Day 2 of Teaching/my wonderful grandma

I felt better today. It was still tough, but going to work has really kept me motivated. The kids have helped me take my mind off of my grandma's death, especially the kindergartners as they are so energetic, and constantly need my attention. Any time I feel I'm about to break down in tears I hear "Carla Teacher, I need help" and then I turn my attention to the child in question and their needs. It has really helped. The teachers have been very supportive, and a couple of them gave their condolences and placed cards on my desk. I've had moments today where I felt like my usual, sarcastic, loud self, but then I end up quickly going back to being quiet and just sad.

Korea has treated me well so far, but it's so hard facing these things alone and so far away. My grandma's funeral is March 8th in Prague, but I won't be able to make it because I can't afford it. It hurts me so bad that I still can't say good-bye to her, even now that she's gone.

I guess the point of this entry in particular is that I want to celebrate my grandma's life, and share with you what a wonderful person she was. My grandma helped raise me. When I was young she would pick me up from school on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. The ritual was always the same: after she picked me up we'd go to McDonald's for my after-school meal, then we'd drive to her house, she'd show me a new gift that she bought me, I'd be excited, then I'd park my tush in front of the TV and stay there most of the evening. Once I was finished with my McDonald's my grandma would make me a delicious dinner. I loved being at her house. She spoiled me rotten, that woman. But I knew she did it because she loved me so much. I was her first granddaughter.

She always puts the needs of others in front of her own. When my grandpa went through the last part of his life with Parkinson's disease she took care of him the best way she could. When my parents needed someone to watch over me she'd be there ready to babysit. Even in the last years of her life she barely complained about her situation. Her legs hurt when she walked, but she never complained about being on the second floor (though I urged her to demand the first floor apartment in the building). Even when I called her using Skype she was always worried about me spending money on her, and I would always assure her that I didn't care, and that it was nothing compared to just hearing her voice and making sure she was OK. The last time I talked to her was a couple of days before I left for Korea...

Not only is it the fact that I have lost such a wonderful woman from a life; I've also lost the one thing I felt connected me to my Czech heritage. I didn't care too much about that part of me because I was raised in a predominately Hispanic household, but because she was around I made sure to show that I cared about that side of the family, and that more than anything I wanted her to be happy. I have lost that connection. I have a huge void in my heart. The last time I saw my grandma was when I was 18 and visiting her in Prague. I remember she and I would walk everywhere. I even slept in her room. I was really happy I got to spend time with her. I even went with her to the cemetery to put fresh flowers on the graves of my grandpa, her family and my grandpa's family. My grandma was such an angel that she would take some of the flowers she bought and put them on graves that clearly were neglected, even though they were the graves of people we never knew and never met.

After I left Prague I prayed with all my heart that I would get one more chance to see her. I knew that she wouldn't be with us for too much longer, but never in my life did I think that it would just happen so suddenly, even though she supposedly had nothing life threatening. All I ever wanted was to give her one more hug and one more kiss. Now I will never get that chance. Even in death I can't say the good-bye I've wanted to give my grandma these last few years.

Life isn't fair. God isn't fair. But even so I pray that she is happy now; that she no longer has to worry about the needs of others before her own; that she can now, for once, not work so hard to support others and herself; that she can finally rest and be at peace for the first time in a long time.

I have still cried many tears today, and even now the tears stream down my cheeks. I feel so lost right now; I'm alone in a country I've never been in before and I have to face something so difficult as this without any of my loved ones close by. I hope I can find the strength to move on with your memory, and to celebrate your life every day in some way. I hope that I can be even a small portion of what you were and what you meant to so many of us. You were such a magnanimous person, grandma, and I hope that I have some part of you in me. My mom tells me all the time about some of the things I have from you: my nose, my legs, my hips... No matter how much I complain about these body parts I wouldn't trade them for anything because you gave them to me. I know it sounds silly, but now at least what I have from you takes on more meaning for me.

I miss you grandma. I miss you so much. But just as I told you right before we hung up the phone that last day that we talked: I love you, grandma. Never forget that.

Your granddaughter,
Carla

First Day of Teaching in Korea

Well, my absolute first day of actual teaching will always be remembered for one thing: the day I found out my beloved grandma died. I received an e-mail from my father in Prague informing me of what happened. Essentially, it looks like my grandma died in her sleep. I've been crying on and off all day. The supervisor said I could leave, but I decided to stay because it's the first day and the kids need me. Also, it's better for me so I can keep my mind off of things.

Anyway, that's all I'm going to say about that.

-AALA